Reasons For Seasons

I was driving down the expressway & contemplating alot of ongoing issues in my life when it began to snow. In that moment all I could think about was how I cant wait for spring to come. I'm typically a winter kind of gal, but Chicago winters are long, hard & seemingly endless. I was working that day, I'm a professional driver for a car service & I had just dropped off a customer at the airport. I was heading home to wait for my next order. As I barreled down the freeway struggling to see beyond the down pour of snowflakes I couldn't help but see the uncanny resemblance that that moment bared to my life. In my mind i thought of myself as going down a long lonely road with no end in sight. I couldn't see beyond my day to day routine to something bigger. I felt as though I had no direction & all my hopes & dreams were at a stand still. the more I think about it now after some time has passed I reminded myself, winter never lasts forever, spring will surely come, the sun will surely rise & set & nothing in life lasts forever. Things always inevitably change whether it be good or bad. I'm still working thru my issues & dealing with turmoil on a daily basis but within that process I'm also becoming stronger & wiser & with that my hope is renewing as is my desire to pursue my dreams. Just as April showers bring May flowers, there is indeed a reason for every season & I cant wait to see what blooms in the near future for me.

All His Children

Last night I watched a couple documentaries. The first was Aileen Wuornos: Life & Death Of A Serial Killer. It was about the serial killer Aileen Wuornos, her hellish existence, court room dramas & her inevitable execution. I was already vaguely aware of her story from watching the Hollywood interpretation of her life in the movie Monster. For those of you who are not familiar with her background she was physically & sexually abused thru out her childhood, had an unplanned pregnancy as a product of this abuse & was kicked out of her home by her "Family" to fend for herself at the age of thirteen. She then lived in the woods in her neighborhood, but after freezing in the cold of winter she decided to move to a warmer climate & chose Florida where she became a drifting prostitute who would end up robbing & killing her johns. I know we cant blame all our issues & mistakes on our childhood tragedies, but speaking from experience they definitely have a hand in shaping the adult you become. If you are a warm blooded human being its impossible to watch this & not feel a certain amount of pity & sympathy for her. In every society Prostitutes are looked upon as less than human. Undeserving of the rights & respect us "Normal" citizens enjoy. Had anyone cared enough to show an ounce of compassion to this young girl before she became a murdering woman I believe whole heartedly that she would have been something more. She didn't have any love or compassion in here life, if your lacking that what does it do to your self worth? If you don't have any self worth or self esteem than you have no respect for yourself or from other people, what options does that leave you with? The other documentary I watched was entitled Whores' Glory. It was an in depth look at the world of prostitution in three different countries & the women's day to day lives & struggles in Thailand, Bangladesh & Mexico. In Thailand the girls would clock in like a regular job then be hoarded into a large glass room, put on display until chosen by their temporary suitors. In Mexico the women were in a seedy area known as The Zone. Its considered a brothel but resembles a run down cheap motel where the girls hang out in the door way of a room as the men creep by slowly in their cars and leer at them like a hungry lion circling its prey. I would have to say that Bangladesh was the worst. The women/girls were in a type of Red Light District with female pimps or madams if you will. None the less violent or aggressive than any man. Once again the girls would stand outside the door of their little rooms, aggressively grabbing passers by & literally dragging them into their rooms as to be shore to have at least one john for the day because there was so much competition. When the girl was successful in acquiring a john she would go to the next room & ask her Mother for a condom. There were children within the brothel, toddlers, children of the "Whores". When their session was done they would wash up in a little blow with used condom & all, take it to the end of the street & pour out the dirty water then be on to the next customer. One of the younger girls comments sparked a flame of anger deep inside me & brought me to tears. She said "I laugh to keep from crying, to cover up the pain I feel inside, we as women suffer, why do we have to suffer so much?". It broke my heart for so many reasons. Why Do we have to experience so much pain as women, physical pain, abuse, emotional pain. I believe in God 100%, do I understand life as it is without question, absolutely not. I ask questions every single day, especially after watching something like this. I prey for understanding so I can continue to have faith in him. If we are all his children...how can he see us in such pain & let it continue? Prostitution is one of the dark subjects that we dont care to contemplate. We dont examine the how & the why, its something that just is. But if we dont question, if we dont ask why then we dont change.