Jersey Shore Whore

I happen to be an avid watcher of the television show Jersey Shore. I have watched just about every season. Many people would probably be embarrassed to admit that but I'm not. Its entertaining, disgusting & a complete embarrassment to me as an American & a woman but non the less entertaining. With every episode & each  sexual conquest I get more & more disgusted. I try not to pass judgement on others no matter how wrong he or she may be in my opinion, but come on. Snooki hooks up with Vinny, Vinny hooks up with Snooki's best friend Ryder, Snooki cheats on her boyfriend with who ever is within reach. We categorize sex in such a casual manor, "Hooking Up" as if its something you do like shaking hands. Shouldn't love making be one of the most respectful loving acts that us human beings participate in? How us women have cheapened ourselves. Fifty to sixty years ago the norm was marriage, sex, kids. Now its kiss random person in bar, take them home & "Hook Up', tomorrow night on to the next. Perhaps our casual attitude as women today has contributed to men's non chalant attitude towards commitment & marriage. I wont lie, believe me I've had my fun, I've had my meaningless dalliances with the opposite sex & at times with the same sex. At the time I didn't feel I wasn't respecting myself, I was just looking for love. That was my justification for my actions. Some men believe that respectable women cherish their bodies & are only willing to share them with men who respect & love them, but how do you know? Every man I've ever slept with has been respectful & quick to declare their love for me in the beginning. Otherwise I wouldn't have given them the time of day. By time you realize that sex is all their after its too late. I have been dating since I was eighteen years old & now I am thirty three & I have tried everything to gain men's approval. The truth is more often than not the sooner I slept with a guy the longer the relationship lasted. My first committed relationship we slept together on the first date & we stayed together for two years. Where as in a more recent relationship I made it a point to get to know him as a friend. We waited months to have sex, we were together for over a year then he left me for someone else who he is engaged to. This could all be sheer coincidence, after all in my opinion everything to do with adult romantic relationships is a gamble anyway. Although to ensure the odds lean in my favor I am never honest with a guy when he asks how many people I've slept with. I don't do this to spare their fragile little egos, I do it so I have a better chance of him treating me with respect & seeing me as a possible candidate for a long term committed relationship & not just write me off as a slut. As adults we should all be aware of the double standard that exists between men & women when it comes to promiscuity. I appreciate the idea that my body is to be held at a hire standard than a mans, but why shouldn't men's bodies be considered just as precious & sacred? He can go out & sleep with every Catie Linda & Becky & that makes him the biggest stud/pimp but if I sleep with every Tom Dick & Harry I'm just a whore not to be given a second glance, unless your horny.

Liar Liar

Something I have observed as an adult is that it is almost never a good idea to speak your mind or be honest. Every time I've done this its gotten me into trouble, whether it be work, friendships or romantic involvements. When your a child your taught that you should always tell the truth, honesty is the best policy, the truth shall set you free! All of that in itself is a lie! No one wants to hear the truth, because once they do they get upset. You could be casually sharing your thoughts, venting to a Friend, but the automatic response I get is what did I do? If its an employer God for bid you should tell them whats wrong with your job, your co-workers or the work place itself. That's an instant cause for dismissal. Just smile, laugh & suck it up. But how long can one be expected to do that? How long can one hate their job but still be expected go into work everyday with a smile on their face because they have to? How long can one stay in a relationship being unhappy & be expected to hold their tongue as to not rock the boat or upset their significant other? To me its like we're a world of liars walking around on egg shells to spare other peoples feelings. I have a real love hate relationship with honesty. On one hand I like to be honest to & with others because I like to know Everything before I make a decision about Anything. But on the other hand, at least in personal relationships id much rather be lied to. Don't tell me you love me but only want to be friends only to dump me later on cause you found the love of your life. Don't tell me how amazing of a woman I am only to follow it up with But.....
Don't tell me we're best friends but not be there for me when I need you most. Thinking about this makes me think of one of my favorite Sheryl Crow songs "Man Enough". "lie to me, I promise ill believe, lie to me but please don't leave.

You dont have to agree...

Earlier today I was having a heated debate with my Ex-Husband. We were discussing guns & violence which of course is a big topic in the media these days. His position is that since the right to bear arms is in the Constitution that everyone should exercise this right. He says that he doesn't like to feel defenseless & having the right to own a gun makes him feel safer & able to protect himself against harm even though he himself does not own a gun. I am completely & utterly against guns. If it were up to me it would not exist in the constitution & the only people allowed to have guns would be the police & the military. I am aware there is a huge market & a huge black market for firearms. So things have gone way too far for the possibility of a gun less society. One of my strongest & most simple arguments in this debate was that when there are no guns involved everyone has a chance at survival, when there are guns...somebodies bound to die. In any situation if you feel threatened there are a million & one things you can use as a weapon & multiple ways to defend yourself & more than likely everybody lives to see another day. My Ex is a forty four year old man, since he has been of age to legally carry a firearm he has never found himself in a situation or confrontation that would warrant him needing one. I have however been in a situation where some may have preferred to have a weapon. When I was twenty four I was dating a drug dealer, we got robbed & I had a gun held to my head. If you follow my Ex-Husbands logic then had I a gun on me we would have walked away safe & sound?? Nooo....quite the contrary, I walked away from that situation safe & sound because I was unarmed. Had I reached for something all the guy would have to do is pull the trigger & I would have been gone. Having been in that situation I still don't feel the need to carry a gun or have one in my home. I am a woman yes, I could very easily be attacked anywhere at any given moment yes, does that scare me? Hell no! I'm not afraid of men I'm not afraid of women I'm not afraid of guns, I'm not afraid of anything. Life sucks sometimes & is extremely unpredictable, people will find themselves in threatening situations. The answer is not to arm every citizen with a gun so we can all kill each other, the answer is that there is no easy solution to this problem. In any given situation you do what you can to protect yourself, your loved ones, or in some cases a total stranger & you hope to live to see another day. And when you see another you embrace it, thank God for it, be grateful & carry on.

F*** It

I have always been a painfully shy person. When I was four or five I rarely spoke at all. This drew the attention of mean kids quite often who loved picking on me because they just didn't get me. I grew up mostly in the suburbs of OH. The schools my brothers & I attended usually had two to three black students in the whole school. I was usually one of only two black children in my class. Thru out my childhood 99% of my friends were white, the majority of my brothers friends were white. When I finally began to talk I "Talked White". All my life I have been aware of this, and insecure of it. I never feel comfortable conversing with "Real Black" women because I feel like I'm not black enough. As I've gotten older & more aware of what it is to accept & love myself I have accepted my white demeanor as a positive trait. It has allowed me to enter circles & mix with people who otherwise may not give me the time of day. I have friends from all walks of life now, Indian, Arab, Chinese. It also assists me in the business world. I could not operate as a professional & be taken seriously if I "Talked Black" or act "Hood". I am well aware that what I'm saying may be considered by some to be all kinds of Politically Incorrect but you all know its true. Ive just come to terms with the truth, accepted it & use it to my advantage. I am in every way a black woman, its not like I have a choice, and if I did I would still choose to be black. I love my people, our culture, our music, our hair, our strength. The only thing I don't love about us is we choose to hate on each other as opposed to lifting one another up. Living here in the suburbs of IL I rarely come across black folk & when I do I get attitude as if they're too good for me & that's if they even bother to acknowledge my presence at all! In a perfect world everyone would acknowledge, accept & respect everyone, but you & I both know we aren't there yet. So the least I would expect is for people of my own race/nationality to treat me with a little respect. I refer to myself as an equal opportunity hater. I don't truly Hate anybody but there are indeed things I do not like about every race. The only conclusion I can come to is theres enough dislike in the world that will come at you from every direction, so why add to it by hating yourself? Say f*** it, theres definitely more important s*** to worry about. Hold your head up & be proud.

Over Exposure

Is it just me or is anybody else sick of these self serving self absorbed self promoting celebrities?  You cant watch a single episode of any show on any network without seeing a commercial for their Headphones, Clothing Lines, Perfumes, etc. On one hand you could look at their entrepreneurial ambition as a bit inspirational, but on the other hand you could look at it as typical greed & the sheer desire to make as much money as possible on every little scheme their management teams can think up. Oh well, live it up I say. Get it while you can make it. I guess I just need to stop watching T.V.  ; )

Relationships & Maturity

I got married when I was twenty four years old. Ideally in my opinion one should be head over heals in love to even consider marriage, but that was not my mindset at the time. having just lost my mother & being left with my older brother as my one & only living relative I was thinking of security, stability & building a family of my own. So I should have known right then that this was not to be forever. Two years later I decided to call it quits. Nothing dramatic took place, no affairs, no lies, no power struggle. I just finally excepted that I wasn't right for him & he definitely was not the one for me. But even though in my heart I knew we needed to part ways, the love was still there. I completely understand why divorce is one of the hardest things to go thru in life. He still loved me too & we actually helped each other thru it. We went to church together, we prayed together, we held each other when the other needed to be comforted. To this day, almost five years after our divorce we still love one another. Which is something our friends & even family have had trouble understanding. They ask us if we still love one another why don't you get back together? I try to explain that its not that type of love. My Ex-Hubby was just here visiting me before the holidays & we had a great time. We laugh, hold hands, crack jokes, just enjoy one another. Some of the same things that brought us together in the first place. There are times we have been out together & complete strangers would actually come up to us & say " You two look like such a happy couple." And we respond with "Thank you, but we've been divorced for years". You should see the shock & dismay on their faces lol. I am very proud of the both of us for being strong enough to realize we weren't right for one another. Smart enough to recognize that our love for one another could evolve, it didn't have to be defined by societies standards or expectations. And we are mature enough to be there for each other in our times of need, but at the same time give each other enough space to seek out our own happiness. We talk to each other every single day, usually multiple times. He has been in a committed relationship with someone for over three years now. I have been in multiple relationships lol. But now we are a family, I love him more than words can say & I know he feels the same. I wouldn't want to imagine my world without him. I understand that all relationships cant end this way. I understand that sometimes there is too much hurt to forgive or too much pain to over come, but divorce does not have to equal hate. It does not have to mean the end of love, it can mean the beginning of a different love : )

Let Me Speak To Your Manager Please!

Why is it that the most unprofessional establishments do the best job? In the cosmetology school I attended they preached to us over & over about the importance of professionalism & that's something that has stayed with me thru out the years. But the majority of the beauty establishments I have visited are anything but professional. I live in the suburbs of Chicago & needless to say there are very few blacks in my area & little to no black hair salons, so I go to down town Chicago to get my sew-in weave every month. Where do I begin lol. My last trip down there from the time I walked in the door till the time I left I had been there a total of NINE HOURS for something that should have taken two or three. Women standing around talking about their pregnancies & child birth experiences in great detail, stylists leaving to go grab something from the beauty supply next door or something to eat while clients are waiting, but when I walked out my hair looked flawless & it only cost me eighty bucks so it was hard for me to stay mad. Today I went to my usual nail place for a Mani-pedi-wax. When I called to make the appointment I was told my nail tech would be in at 9a so I made my appt for 930. I arrived 10mins early & my tech walked in at exactly 930a. There was only one employee in when I arrived & she was knocked out sleeping in one of the pedicure chairs with her hood pulled over her head, she wasn't even aware that I was there, so I took a seat & grabbed a magazine. All the nail techs there consistently talk on their phones while they're with clients. But once again, when I walk out my nails are flawless & my eyebrows perfectly arched. How did things get this way? Is it acceptable for people to be so lax ed in the work place as long as they provide good service or is it unacceptable?

Heros

Theres something I just have to say. Some people may get mad & many may disagree,  that's OK because everyone is entitled to their own opinion & I speak my mind, always have always will & nobody has to like it. I hate how every time theres a tragedy the media ALWAYS has to find someone within it to elevate as a "Hero". For instance the teacher who's pic everyone is circulating on FB from the shooting at the school in Connecticut. God bless her soul, it was an unthinkable thing that happened there period, for all the victims & families involved, but lieing to the gunman to keep the children safe is not an act of heroism, its common since. If you have a classroom full of children & your an adult I would hope that Any of us in the same situation would sacrifice ourselves to save them, its common since if your a normal human being with a heart. Its called compassion & feeling which is something a lot of people out there lack on both sides. The people that do the shootings & the people that elevate "Heroes" as if they're saying if they were in the same situation they don't know if they'd do the same thing? For me its not even a question, I'm 33 y/o I've lived my life, if it meant saving even one child I would lay it on the line in a minute, no thought required.