F*** It

I have always been a painfully shy person. When I was four or five I rarely spoke at all. This drew the attention of mean kids quite often who loved picking on me because they just didn't get me. I grew up mostly in the suburbs of OH. The schools my brothers & I attended usually had two to three black students in the whole school. I was usually one of only two black children in my class. Thru out my childhood 99% of my friends were white, the majority of my brothers friends were white. When I finally began to talk I "Talked White". All my life I have been aware of this, and insecure of it. I never feel comfortable conversing with "Real Black" women because I feel like I'm not black enough. As I've gotten older & more aware of what it is to accept & love myself I have accepted my white demeanor as a positive trait. It has allowed me to enter circles & mix with people who otherwise may not give me the time of day. I have friends from all walks of life now, Indian, Arab, Chinese. It also assists me in the business world. I could not operate as a professional & be taken seriously if I "Talked Black" or act "Hood". I am well aware that what I'm saying may be considered by some to be all kinds of Politically Incorrect but you all know its true. Ive just come to terms with the truth, accepted it & use it to my advantage. I am in every way a black woman, its not like I have a choice, and if I did I would still choose to be black. I love my people, our culture, our music, our hair, our strength. The only thing I don't love about us is we choose to hate on each other as opposed to lifting one another up. Living here in the suburbs of IL I rarely come across black folk & when I do I get attitude as if they're too good for me & that's if they even bother to acknowledge my presence at all! In a perfect world everyone would acknowledge, accept & respect everyone, but you & I both know we aren't there yet. So the least I would expect is for people of my own race/nationality to treat me with a little respect. I refer to myself as an equal opportunity hater. I don't truly Hate anybody but there are indeed things I do not like about every race. The only conclusion I can come to is theres enough dislike in the world that will come at you from every direction, so why add to it by hating yourself? Say f*** it, theres definitely more important s*** to worry about. Hold your head up & be proud.